ok. so....it's the Holidays

This year, I decided that in spite of the holidays, I would do my best to lose weight anyway. I lost a little, and i have tried to maintain so far, and I have to some extent. However, there is something about the holidays, that makes me really want to bake. So far it has been brownies on thanksgiving, oatmeal chocolate drops (called dodo balls in my youth) and sugar cookies. Unfortunately or fortunately depending on how you look at it, i only have whole wheat white flour and regular whole wheat flour at home. The chocolate drops were unaffected, but the cookies and brownies probably had a wheat after taste to them. Or wang (meaning flavor). so in future I should keep white flour on hand as well. I will try not to give up. I went for a walk on the day after thanksgiving, and i plan to go to the school gym again as soon as it opens up after the holidays. I did have a real coke today. Though. I split a 20oz bottle between today and yesterday. I was beginning to feel the effects of the Phenalaynine from the Diet Coke. Whatever those effects may be. Well I have to sign off. Not alot of progress this week, but I will stay the course.

A bit of progress.

Well as they say, "A rolling stone gathers no moss"...and as they don't say: getting that damn stone to roll, can sometimes be hard as hell.

I have however, realized a bit of progress over the past week after trying to get the weight loss momentum started over the course of the past month has been difficult. But good things come to those who wait, and last night/ this morning, I saw that the scales had finally moved in a way that I could recognize. I am now 190.4. This may not mean a lot to some people reading this, but it does to me.I agree with the guy whose article I read online about the decimal on your scales making a difference to you psychologically. I really does. I think that all told heaviest time this time, was about 195 or 194. So this makes me happy. I hope to be solidly in the 180s soon, and then so on.

I want to be 150 again and maybe beyond if I can be tenacious and not let things get to me. Splurg occasionally but keep things in perspective and proportion. I have been trying to drink diet coke and more water and fewer frappucinos less often, substituting when I can for regular black coffee. 1500 is still the calorie goal, and i try to exercise when I can, either walking or going to the school gym and using the elliptical machine and lifting weights.I will not be taken down so easily. This is bigger than me, bigger than now. I have so much to prove to myself and, indirectly, to others. So "here I go again on my own...and I've made up my mind, I ain't wastin' no more time." These first few pounds, hopefully one small step for mankind, one giant leap for Jenny.

Humph

Building up momentum is not as easy as I thought it would be. Honestly, I did not think it would be easy. Sticking to a 1500 calorie diet does not sound easy. But i feel that I can be successful. I just have to take one day at a time, one meal at a time, one calorie at a time. I walked last night with a friend of mine, and i do believe that was very helpful. I am a little disappointed today as I went over my calorie limit by lunch time, but I hope to get back on that horse. tomorrow. It is sometimes hard using my-calorie-counter.com as they often will have near approximations, but not exact. Especially as it was today when I was eating at a region chain rather than a more national one. Also the mental gymnastics that the Starbucks barista had to go through today to make my caramel Frappucino calorie conscious, probably more trouble than it is worth, making me think that I may just have to give up the habit all together.

I have already tried switching to Diet Coke, which in general is the bane of my existence. However, I am just that desperate to lose weight that I am drinking it in place of regular. However, I cannot stomach as much of it as I do regular coke. Also I went way over my calorie limit tonight as well. Well, there was free sushi available, so I just could not help myself. Oh well. I will try again tomorrow. That is all i can do, right?

And so it begins again

Finding myself once again in the throes of school, and having completed one degree in May of this year (2010), and working on another to try to finsh in December, the stress has been more than I could bear. Stress eating has abounded, and I am preverbially at exactly the same weight i was at when I started trying to lose over two years ago. 192. Evil. Weight. But I have decided to give it another go. I am going to use my-calorie-counter.com, and begin working out. I may track my prgress here as often as I can. I need to get a new battery for my scales (one of my first mistakes, not having scales at home). But wish me luck for I plan to get serious now. Serious. Now!

A losing game.

Sometimes I wonder what is wrong with me. I have seriously been on the losing end of the losing (weight) game probably since I was 8 years old. It is a hard thing to look around at all the other little children around you and realize that you are perpetually 20 to 30 pounds heavier than they are. that has not changed. Perhaps there was a slight reprieve in undergrad when I was close to a normal weight. but grad school has taken care of that my 30 pound gap still holds, I will be glad when it doesnt hold anymore. maybe someday I will be in the 140s. We will see. I am done with one masters now. Maybe when I finish the other one, hopefully in the fall, I will be able to achieve my goal. We will see.

Is it Easter already?

This year has felt a little like the description of one in Monty Python and the Holy Grail: "and winter gave spring a miss, and headed right on into summer" it is an exaggeration since it is still chilly outside, but come on, people its almost Easter! What happened to last year? What happened to this year come to that? My semester only has a month and a half left and I am freaking out. Dude.

Weight a second.

Ok I am not usually a punning kind of person. That is usually what I equate with like 50 year old men who don't really have a sense of humour but think that they do. If there are any 50 year old men that pun reading this blog, I sincerely apologize. (Would it help if I said, "Its not you its me?"). Definitely me no doubt. since I started this blog, I have gained and lost about 10-15 pounds at least three times in succession. Each time I get on the losing end of that, I get really excited, and think: this time I will do it. This time I will realize my goal. But no. not only have I not realized my goal, but I am back at my original weight back in the dark days of 06 and I really have no idea how it happened.

Today I am trying to get back on my horse. I have started the day with fruit (Blackberries to be exact) and now yogurt. The more I talk about food, the more I want it. I go to it for solace in times of stress and discomfort. I am not sure why.

P.S. I like to take up close gratuitous photos of foods. It makes me feel all artsy inside.

stop the Insanity!

I couldn't find the image that I wanted for this blog. i feel like life has been insane lately. with work and school and Jeremy and i both have had craziness in our lives. Needless to say, for me good eating habits have yet again fallen by the wayside. Unfortunately for me, it is very cyclical. I will start eating well, and even try to lose again. I wish I could find a pic of the stop the insanity lady from the late eighties and early nineties. You know the one that looked like sinead o conner only was a weightloss guru. I sometimes feel that way. Like I just want to scream stop the insanity. But i dont stop. Pizza comes my way or chocolate, or a frappucino and I just cant stop.