stop the Insanity!

I couldn't find the image that I wanted for this blog. i feel like life has been insane lately. with work and school and Jeremy and i both have had craziness in our lives. Needless to say, for me good eating habits have yet again fallen by the wayside. Unfortunately for me, it is very cyclical. I will start eating well, and even try to lose again. I wish I could find a pic of the stop the insanity lady from the late eighties and early nineties. You know the one that looked like sinead o conner only was a weightloss guru. I sometimes feel that way. Like I just want to scream stop the insanity. But i dont stop. Pizza comes my way or chocolate, or a frappucino and I just cant stop.

In with the new.

The new year is upon me, and i have decided to make a fresh start. Holiday eating was time-consuming and resulted in the all-encompassing extra ten pounds of holiday weight that I had so painstakingly lost earlier in the year. Blast. So i have begun a-fresh. The incessant baking was fun while it lasted however, it left me craving cake at the oddest times e.g. one oclock in the morning, when it is seriously too late to bake a cake anyway. Something good did happen though with all the holiday baked goods. I realized something that I had forgotten. Why I am an excellent baker. To be sure, I concocted many a culinary delight including (but not limited to): a duchess spice cake (for my love for christmas, which he tells me was very good), two batches of homemade fudge, 3 kinds of cookies, rice krispie treats (well lets face it, these arent hard to make), and angel biscuits. So I have some left over ingredients with which I plan to make a homemade cheese cake and some banana bread tonight and on new years eve, but other than that I plan to put a stall on my baking at least for a while. Maybe I will make a special treat for myself and my love on valentines. It is amazing though how much weight you lose, however, when you stop eating cookies. I have lost about 2 pounds so far when I started watching my intake again. Right after Christmas I went out and bought some fruits and vegetables and salad fixings and I have been doing my best to partake of them everyday since Christmas. My roommate also baked us some delicious baked potatoes the other night, I have to do that soon as eating the skins are good for my cholesterol and that is just what I did. I am going to do my best to forget what has gone before, and forge ahead with what lies in front and begin my weight loss exhibition once again. I am glad that I am trying before the new year however, to begin with good habits that way I will feel like they are not as foreign to me to continue in the coming year. I really want to reach my goal this year. With my cholesterol problems and my age on the rise, it is more important than ever now for more reasons than just vanity that I get into that smaller size. I am hoping then to use this blog more than I have in the past as a means of holding myself accountable and actually reaching my goal. I have it in my head. I am in the 180s again with the onslaught of Christmas. But i would like to be in he 140s or 150s at the very least. If I could reach the 120s that would be amazing and I could model, for reals. That would be my ultimate goal if I could but I know that once I get to the 150s I am a healthy weight for my height and body type. I can pull off the 60s but the 50s are best. So really 30 pounds in the coming year would be great! People do it all the time. Especially on the biggest loser! I can too! I have to!

Christmastime is here....

You know the rest. But what they dont tell you in that song is, temptation to eat is here. I know I was complaining, probably alot. But the truth is I had kept off maybe on the whole about 10 pounds for almost a year. actually a bit more than that from the time i was at my heaviest. However, with christmas upon us, and goodies available freakin every where, not so. I am almost back to where I was damn it. I dont know how my boyfriend does it. He usually loses weight this time of year. I tend to subconsciously hibernate for the winter. The older I get the more I hate the cold. I guess the more I eat to compensate for this and then in turn the less my coat actually fits me well enough to keep the cold out. I keep telling myself if I can just get this paper done that is finally due in two days I will start working out again and focus more energy on eating. And to I will have more time for my boyfriend and friends (especially those of you I havent really seen all semester). The failing the comps hasnt actually given me insentive to lose, it just makes me want more food to wallow in. Alas. My ass. Oh well no time like the present. maybe next time you hear from me I will have good news. Until then, keep up the fight, try not to let Christmas depress you too much, and dont take any wooden nickels...or in the words of the immortal Edward R. Murrow,"Good night, and good luck."

Yes, Jillian.

I have picked up my Jillian Michaels book again and have started reading. I really want to make progress and she seems like perhaps the lady that can help me do it. I have done two days of her work out dvd called 30 day shred. She and Bob Harper (whom I also greatly admire) are both trainers on the show The Biggest Loser.




Well I was doing alright with this, 3 days in a row for her DVD but then yesterday I was stressing out over a paper that was due, and my muscles felt so sore that I watched Hamlet (that is what the paper is on) instead. So on Thursday I took a break from the DVD. But Friday I went right back to it. She is right that some of the moves in the workout get easier the more you do them, however, I still find myself doing the pushups on my knees and not my toes and my knees feel awful when doing certain exercises. But if I dont pass out after, then I do feel strong when I do the exercises.

I have been trying to read more of the book which is hard with school things to do, and with the first few chapters being focused on change from the inside out, they tend to be ones that you can only take a little at a time anyway, if you really are trying to absorb what she is saying.

I would recommend Jillian to anyone, she is tough, but she has helped alot of people lose a lot of weight. Maybe she will help me.

The latest on the Weightloss front

That title makes me feel important. as if I am a journalist from behind enemy lines talking about a war whose title ends in "storm" or "shield." but alas I have no such aspirations. I merely would like to put a stop to the extra poundage advancing across my ass. Things have been stressful for the past week or so. I have been studying for comps and taking them, and my baby hasn't been feeling too good health-wise, and money has been a little scarce. Actually the last one kind of works in my favor, as it forces me to eat at home and make conscious decisions about what I put into my body. Therefore, with the initial stressfulness my weight was starting to creep up, but with the onset of more stress, it has gone down again. Not the healthiest way to lose weight but then I dont think that the 4 pounds I lost the wrong way is going to make me need sally struthers or a sponsor. (Sorry, that was a horrible joke that half of you may not get because you are too young to remember). Anyway, as I was saying, so I have lost some. Oh and I have been trying to buy better things to eat at home, as I got my report back from the Dr. recently and I had only lowered my LDL cholesterol by a few points. He said to keep trying and to follow the diet handout that they had given me and exercise would help lower it too.
He also added as an after thought, "Oh and losing weight would help as well." Ha! You and me both want it then buddy.
I feel as though I am making progress. I am more conscious of what I am putting in my body. And I try to find healthier ways to prepare things, with my fat free milk and cheese and heart healthy spread and whole grains. I am trying. I still need a hormel shelf stable turkey dinner with gravy sometimes (so good!) but I am trying. I even bought a two liter of diet coke, that I actually drank. I need to watch my intake of baked goods and packaged foods, but I think I am making baby steps. With all the food allergies out there now I have been trying to eat more organic foods which makes be feel better. I think that my mom was surprised last night. As we were collaborating on Thanksgiving dinner on the phone, i was telling her that I could bring organic mashed potatoes and organic green beans. I also asked if beacause I want to make pumpkin pie this year if she cared if I substituted whole wheat flour and heart-healthy spread for regular flour and crisco. I think that she was surprised to say the least. But she had no problems with it. So I will do my best to find a good pumpkin pie recipe, and bon-apetit!

Breaking the string of Yo-yo dieting...or why the hell am i this fat?

Ok, so the weight loss was short-lived. I knew it would and could be but I hoped it wasnt. The simple fact is that I like to eat. I eat when I am happy I eat when I am sad, I eat when I am pissed off and i eat when I am sick. And frankly I have been sick for over a month now. I have had some kind of nagging throat pain and nasal post-drip shit for weeks and weeks. It is the kind of illness that doesnt make you feel bad enough to die, just to pray for death. So here I am on my second round of antibiotics a z-pak to be sure. I was taking some other cycline that was not doing anything, but now I am feeling a little better, I went to the gym yesterday for the first time in weeks yesterday. To offset my pity party Mcdonlds that I had because my paper for class is late and I have lost my train of thought and have no idea where the freak I am. If you are a praying person please pray for me and my paper. I only have tonight to finish it, so I best go. But if I have good news regarding this I will write. I am hoping to go to the gym again on Friday. But I must write seven pages tonight. So until later. adieu.

How did that happen?

It seems that just 3 days ago I was whiny and wondering if I would ever lose weight again, and now I have. I whined to my roommate and she suggested that we go to the gym. And so we did! we worked out hard and lifted. And as luck or providence would have it yesterday, I locked my keys in my car and instead of getting a ride to my boyfriend's for the 3 miles to get a spare, I walked it! yay me. (I did get a ride back however 6 miles was too ambitious for even me yesterday.) I was 3 pounds lighter this morning. it made me happy.

If I can just keep the momentum going maybe I can keep my idea of losing another 10 or 12 pounds by christmas, and maintaining it. Then I will think about more after the first of the year. I hope I can.

I have been on my poverty diet also, which means eating alot at home instead of eating out, and i think that is helping too!