How did that happen?

It seems that just 3 days ago I was whiny and wondering if I would ever lose weight again, and now I have. I whined to my roommate and she suggested that we go to the gym. And so we did! we worked out hard and lifted. And as luck or providence would have it yesterday, I locked my keys in my car and instead of getting a ride to my boyfriend's for the 3 miles to get a spare, I walked it! yay me. (I did get a ride back however 6 miles was too ambitious for even me yesterday.) I was 3 pounds lighter this morning. it made me happy.

If I can just keep the momentum going maybe I can keep my idea of losing another 10 or 12 pounds by christmas, and maintaining it. Then I will think about more after the first of the year. I hope I can.

I have been on my poverty diet also, which means eating alot at home instead of eating out, and i think that is helping too!

You know, having high cholesterol really does the trick.

You know nothing makes you actively change your lifestyle and try to eat better and in turn lose weight like the threat of heart disease. I have lost about 5 pounds so far and I am hoping to do more. There are inches that I have on my waist that I need to lose in order to be in better shape physically (according to this little sheet they gave me at the doctor's office. I went to the Doctor recently for a physical because I had been feeling so crappy physically lately, and I found that my LDL cholesterol was high on top of everything else. It wouldnt surprise me at all if this was majorly attributing to my breathing problems and panic attacks. I do well with eating more healthily, until I have withdrawal and start eating something that is bad for me. But on the whole I have been eating as many whole grains and fruits as I can get my hands on, cutting out as much sugar as possible, and soft drinks, and fast food and eating more veggies. I should have brought some fruit today, but in turn I had to get something out of the vending machine (very bad for you)I had to get some shit called 'sweet and salty mix' because I was absolutely starving. I will not be caught like this again I assure you. The same thing happened yesterday and I was forced to get nutter bars and potato chips. Then it like a gateway drug influenced me to get a cookie from starbucks with a tall frapuccino and a nachos supreme from TB (none of which stayed with me for very long by the way). That kind of junk makes you feel awful and it doesnt give you energy. Especially if like me you have not been used to having it for several days. But I tried to make amends for it last night as I have at lunch today with a salad and fruit and whole wheat bread. I have even had egg whites with fat free cheddar on them today. Yay for me. so I will press on and keep you posted. I am hoping to get my cholesterol checked again relatively soon to see if i am making progress. So until next time, stay the course, don't take any wooden nickels, and remember me to the little woman.

Pure American water = glorified tap water

The other day, I was at my local neighborhood Wallgreens store. For those of you who have no Wallgreens in your town or city, it is a drugstore. And if you are up really late, sometimes it is the only place open. So I know that I needed to buy my requisite case of water the other day, but I was in a rush. I didnt want to pay alot for my water so I grabbed what seemed cheap. I was just going to pick up one bottle and then buy more later. (For those of you that are hyper concerned with the environment, I am too, it is just so hard for me to drink enough water unless i have a bottle in front of me. I am not trying to fill up landfills, I swear.) I also bought a washable bottle from Wild Oats but I don't use it enough, or maybe I dont wash it enough. Not sure which.

So I bought a bottle of Pure American. I thought: you know even cheap water is good most of the time. So I also I thought to myself: Oh I dont have to buy Ozarka, I will just get what's cheaper. And so I did.

You know that first couple of sips didn't taste so bad. Maybe I was just so thirsty that i didnt notice. Then there was a slight after taste. I did find however that I didnt really want to drink all of it. So I put the bottle in the fridge overnight and I would drink the rest later. Most bottled waters you can do this for like a day or so and they are still fine tasting. So I went to it the next day, and it was awful. It tasted like tap water, but tap water with something else in it. Real metallicy tasting. but not really good tap water. I mean I live in Memphis, supposedly we have really good tap water, and in my 31 years living here and then traveling to other locales, I have found that this is true.

But this bottel didnt even tast like memphis tap water, it was much worse. I think my worst experience with water was when I went to a Kenlake resort with my mom, I will never forget...We were eating in the hotel dining area, and I ordered a water, and they brought me back a liquid tinged with brown in a glass. I didnt realize how lucky I was until I saw that glass. Memphis may not have alot going for us, but we do have pretty good water. Oh well, needless to say I will not buy Pure American again. It wasn't very pure after all. Ozaka, kroger, or schnucks water from now on!

gaining and maintaining

Not much new to report. I have not really been making much effort to lose. I am trying to avoid the self deprecation which comes from believeing that I can never lose weight. I guess if I were to put on the extra 10 pounds that I lost a little over a year ago I would find it hard not to do that. I am currently hovering around 178-180 somtimes 181 on my moms scales, but I havent really been trying that hard either. Yesterday other people fed me, and I bought myself a frappuccino. I love frappuccinos, especially the caramel ones. I have been spending all ofmy time in fact in trying to find a new place to live, and in getting my financial aid settled for registering for my last MA credit that I didnt know until this semester that i needed to take. Also, if I do not graduate this semester, I will find myself losing the credits that I took in 2003 and all these loans will be for naught and I need to take the comprehensive exam instead of lollygagging with my thesis anylonger.

Therefore, I will begin concentrating on exercise again once I start my semester, and move to my new apt.

To eat or not to eat, that is the question.

Whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the outrageous fortune of weighing 180 pounds for 6 years, or to suffer the withdrawl from not emotionally eating....hmmm. what would shakespeare do?

I doubt he had a weight problem at all. There were no Starbucks, Wendy's, Taco Bell, or McDonalds on every street corner in Renaissance Stratford upon Avon. They were too busy "rebirthing" interesting things. Oh I would imagine they had tasty things to eat. But none so fattening I am sure as the Nachos Supreme, Chicken Mcnuggets, and Grande Caramel Frappucino with whipped cream.

I am still trying, but it is painfully slower going than it was before. I havent been walking in about a week. I feel as though this is becoming my confessional rather than my weight loss journal. Forgive me father, its been a week and a half since my last walk.

oh well. In a kind of generalized way I have been trying to keep track of calories but I have only been able to do this in a very general and really kind of succeeding in a kind of damage control and not really losing at all. I should plan better and not eat out so much. maybe I will walk today, but all this stress at home with trying to plan to move and organizing and cleaning and packing and staying at my mom's has not helped. I have no real motivation except when things are tight and I need new clothes and I get frustrated with things not fitting. And then I may have to end up taking a comprehensive exam this fall to finish my degree instead my thesis whick I have agonized over emotionally for years. This is lots of change for a Jenny that likes things warm and cozy. Argh.

fried blackberry pie and full circle organic fat free milk

Can there be any felicity superior to that? surely losing the weight I want, would be. I just keep on with it though. I dont know whats wrong with me. I am now at the weight I was before starting my vacation 182. I hate myself sometimes. I worry that this is going to keep on and on and on, in spite of my Jillian Michaels book I bought and all the fresh veggies in my fridge. AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I am going to watch a Jane Austen movie and go to bed. In the words of Scarlett: "I will think about that tomorrow."

"After all....After all, tomorrow is another day."

Time for an update

sometimes I feel like I have so far to go that what is the point of an update anyway. But I did have some interesting progress on my vacation. I walked over 41 miles to be exact. That was from Wednesday to Wednesday. I had spent the first two days doing some work at my mom's house for which I was grossly over-paid. lets face it, it was probably charity on her part. when I wanted to do something good for someone else and not expect any remuneration. Oh well. The money came in handy in a pinch anyways. Thanks mama.

ok so those first days although I worked and sweated, it was to no avail as we ate so much why I was there. Taco Bell the first day and Sonic and cracker Barrel the next. Come on...cracker barrel, you know who can resist it? And you know that I am not going to get one of those shady kind of salads. You know the ones that are only pretending. With tons of iceberg lettuce and some tomatoes and carrot shreds and a few rounds of cucumber. When I go to Cracker Barrel, or "the crack house" as my friend used to call it when working there years ago, I am going to get chicken and dumplins' or mashed potatoes and gravy, or vegetables that are cooked in so much butter that they lose all sense of proportion and healthiness.

7/18/09
several days have passed since this proposed update. I have lost and gained back 3 pounds. Maybe I will go upstairs at work and weigh on the scales to see exactly how much I have gained and lost. but I hope that my hope is not over. Since returning to work it has not been as easy to exercise my brains out like I was on vacation. I only did 2.5 miles yesterday. And today I might not get to any walking if I go to this concert that I am supposed to have free tickets to. Oh well. I did buy fresh vegetables and fruit at a local market (called Easy Way for those of you locals that know it) yesterday in hopes of renewing my resolve in eating better, and I bought the Jillian Michaels book Winning by Losing in hopes that I might lose big like all the the people on the biggest loser. I mean if they can do it, wouldnt it follow that I could too? At 179 though, I have my doubts.