Success.

Well, it has been a long time since I have posted. There has also been a lot of weight lost. 65 pounds to be exact. I think that I would like to get that last ten pounds off, just to say, hey I am at that ultimate goal that a year and a half ago I didn't know if I could ever reach. But here I am only ten pounds away from it, if I decide that is my destination. How did i do it? You may well ask...well it was a combination of quite a few things. Not the least of these was the fact that I was forced to give up gluten from my diet. This is not for everyone. Not everyone has gluten intolerance, but I did, and I know that it was keeping me unhealthy now.

So i have been gluten free since February of 2011. Also, starting this past February I did a three month long diet called a candida diet. And before you go googling that topic and accusing me of going the way of the Atkins diet, I can assure you that it was not the Atkins diet. I used this book. Not only did I drop 30 pounds in 3 months, but I started feeling better and a lot of health issues cleared up. I would recommend this book over any of the websites that you can find about candida online.

I know that my journey isn't over. Now that I am basically at my goal, I know that i need to exercise more and even watch my cholesterol, and as I have added foods back, i know that I need to be careful that I do not end up in the same situation that I was in 2 years ago, sickly, less healthy, and at 200 pounds. But I don't see that for my future. I really don't. I don't want that for my life either. I will still continue to work on this last ten pounds and at maintaining my goal eating healthier and excercising. But I know at least for now, from the past 7 or 8 years of excess pounds...the weight is finally over.

Signs of progress

There are a couple of reasons that I wanted to do this. 1): I want to keep myself accountable in the coming months. (Because holidays are the time that all healthy eating/exercise plans are tested and I want to be strong.)
2): I am proud of what God has allowed me to accomplish with my weight thus far, and I want to do my best with His help to never go back and to keep moving forward to reach my ultimate goals.




These are my before and after pictures to this point:

The first picture was taken a week ago and the second was taken last November. I am not to my goal, but I am proud to say that since last Christmas, I have lost 35 pounds. I am excited to see this happen, but in a bigger way I am also excited to see some old mindsets change, and look forward to seeing more change in the future. If you think of it, pray for me. Pray that i keep my head down and keep my focus, and that I see more of these changes on the inside.

I will take it.

I have added the long promised full length picture. I think I am seeing signs of success, and frankly, I will take it. I still have a long way that I want to go in order to realize my goal, which include but are not limited to: putting on a bathing suit and then wearing it at a place of swimming (in public), feeling lighter and healthier, going in all women's clothing boutiques and not worrying if they will carry my size or not, not worrying how a certain style dress with fit my frame, and one of the best accomplishments will be being able to wear my favorite vintage clothes again :D!

I think its time to celebrate. Maybe with a walk! Thanks for listening whoever you are. Until next time, I will keep my head down and keep moving.

The heat is on...and on...etc...

Well I am seeing more signs of progress. I think that now I am done with my MFA work, that I am (a bit) less stressed to the point that I am not storing (as much of) that lovely stress related belly fat that they tell you about on TV infomericials and the interweb. I also text one of my best friends my weight periodically to help keep me accountable and on track--that has helped a lot. I think that another major contributor to my progress, in addition to having to analyze every bit of food that goes into my body based on whether is has gluten or soy in it, and that I have been poor and needing to cook at home quite a bit, is the fact that it is so incredibly hot outside.



I think I first realized it in early June when I walked a short distance from a building to the car and I broke a sweat, I knew that it had started again. I still try to walk as often as I can as well, which still isn't as often as I would like. But sometimes whether I will or no I sweat and feel like I have been through a work out. Especially on those lovely "heat advisory" days. But all this is to say that for what ever reason, I am seeing more progress. I am hoping just to keep my head down and keep plugging away until I reach my goal. Incidentally, I like the two images of suns that I found. The first is so zen and peaceful, I think it is my favorite. The second makes me think of the weather we are having. Kind of mischievously scowling down at us as we melt. However, if it is he who is helping me melt away the pounds, I guess I cant complain too much. Keep praying for me if you would that I just heading down the path I am on. Slowly but surely and not giving up. :D

weight for me - the gluten free edition

well. I think I am making some progress. I am hesitant to say that out loud and much more hesitant to say that over a public medium. But I am. Hopefully it wont come back to bite me in the ass. Unless it decided to do me a big favor and bite enough off my ass to save me some of the trouble of exercise and food monitoring. And that's what it takes for me really. Just eating less or at least being conscious of what I eat until my stomach shrinks. Which it eventually does, and then not allowing it to expand again. And walking. it helps if I exercise, especially walking.
P.S. I like the angle of this photograph, because it makes me look more like what my goal is than where I am right now. Maybe I will share with you a full length one soon. Just give me some time.

A few things have happened in my favor recently that have helped it to be a bit easier to lose:

Earlier this year I was diagnosed with a gluten intolerance. Without my knowledge or consent, my body decided that it doesn't tolerate things with wheat and soy. Now in an of itself, this is not a condition that translates into weight loss, no matter how much the interweb emphasizes the idea of "wasting" (or wasting away) due to the condition. But what it has done, has forced me to be aware of what I am putting into my body. Cakes and cookies and breads and other regular treats are "right out" as they say, unless of course I can afford the fancy expensive ones from whole foods. Mostly I just treat myself to ice cream that I have read ingredients carefully on, or very occasionally a small piece of chocolate like a peanut butter cup (but I cant have much of that at all due to the content of something called soy lechthin in them that makes my stomach rebel). I eat alot of corn, potatoes, and rice and meat and eggs and I should eat more vegetables and fruit. Also praise that Lord that Wendy's has a gluten free menu, which helps in a pinch. But some of those things are not soy free so I have to limit how much of it I eat. And then God has seen fit to allow that Coke and Cheddar cheese are gluten free but there again, I along with the rest of the world should be careful how much of those things i have. I have gotten used to the soy free and gluten free, enjoy life candy bars that you can buy from whole foods. A friend who is also gluten free and I were joking one day when I started getting them that they don't allow you to enjoy life all that much, but in the end I have developed a taste for them and even look forward to them as a treat when I can afford it. (I wouldn't recommend going gluten free for everyone, and I plan to do a follow up visit to a food allergy specialist as soon as I can. i have read online that there are beneficial elements to eating wheat and other grains that I cannot especially since they contain something called prebiotics that wheat is enriched with, and that I am still trying to figure out how to get from other sources. Humph. Oh well. I will do more research.)

Another recent development in my life long weight loss expedition is that of finishing my grad school work. They weren't kidding about the freshman 15, and I wasn't really really kidding when I was talking about the grad school 25 that stayed with me almost the entire 6-7 years that I was working on my double masters and eventually became 35-40 all told. It has taken a load of stress off of me to finally be done, and allowed me more time to actually think about my body, which seems a frivolous concern when you are trying to do coursework and sometimes teaching and also working on a novel.

Thirdly, the summer has come just in time. Seriously, the past two years my city has become notorious for summers that start early. I am able sweat off a pound just walking to my car and back sometimes (and I am only exaggerating a little).

And finally, one of my friends has helped to motivate me by calling me up to take walks with her, which I do as often as I can. And this helps a lot. So all this to say that I have lost about 21 or so pounds since Christmas, and this time I plan to keep it off and go the extra mile (literally and figuratively) to reach my goal.

Hooray. so try to encourage me if you can. Maybe not so much on how good I look or what size I am, but on what I have accomplished, and what I am trying to accomplish. I could use it, for i have a long road ahead of me.

ok. so....it's the Holidays

This year, I decided that in spite of the holidays, I would do my best to lose weight anyway. I lost a little, and i have tried to maintain so far, and I have to some extent. However, there is something about the holidays, that makes me really want to bake. So far it has been brownies on thanksgiving, oatmeal chocolate drops (called dodo balls in my youth) and sugar cookies. Unfortunately or fortunately depending on how you look at it, i only have whole wheat white flour and regular whole wheat flour at home. The chocolate drops were unaffected, but the cookies and brownies probably had a wheat after taste to them. Or wang (meaning flavor). so in future I should keep white flour on hand as well. I will try not to give up. I went for a walk on the day after thanksgiving, and i plan to go to the school gym again as soon as it opens up after the holidays. I did have a real coke today. Though. I split a 20oz bottle between today and yesterday. I was beginning to feel the effects of the Phenalaynine from the Diet Coke. Whatever those effects may be. Well I have to sign off. Not alot of progress this week, but I will stay the course.

A bit of progress.

Well as they say, "A rolling stone gathers no moss"...and as they don't say: getting that damn stone to roll, can sometimes be hard as hell.

I have however, realized a bit of progress over the past week after trying to get the weight loss momentum started over the course of the past month has been difficult. But good things come to those who wait, and last night/ this morning, I saw that the scales had finally moved in a way that I could recognize. I am now 190.4. This may not mean a lot to some people reading this, but it does to me.I agree with the guy whose article I read online about the decimal on your scales making a difference to you psychologically. I really does. I think that all told heaviest time this time, was about 195 or 194. So this makes me happy. I hope to be solidly in the 180s soon, and then so on.

I want to be 150 again and maybe beyond if I can be tenacious and not let things get to me. Splurg occasionally but keep things in perspective and proportion. I have been trying to drink diet coke and more water and fewer frappucinos less often, substituting when I can for regular black coffee. 1500 is still the calorie goal, and i try to exercise when I can, either walking or going to the school gym and using the elliptical machine and lifting weights.I will not be taken down so easily. This is bigger than me, bigger than now. I have so much to prove to myself and, indirectly, to others. So "here I go again on my own...and I've made up my mind, I ain't wastin' no more time." These first few pounds, hopefully one small step for mankind, one giant leap for Jenny.

Humph

Building up momentum is not as easy as I thought it would be. Honestly, I did not think it would be easy. Sticking to a 1500 calorie diet does not sound easy. But i feel that I can be successful. I just have to take one day at a time, one meal at a time, one calorie at a time. I walked last night with a friend of mine, and i do believe that was very helpful. I am a little disappointed today as I went over my calorie limit by lunch time, but I hope to get back on that horse. tomorrow. It is sometimes hard using my-calorie-counter.com as they often will have near approximations, but not exact. Especially as it was today when I was eating at a region chain rather than a more national one. Also the mental gymnastics that the Starbucks barista had to go through today to make my caramel Frappucino calorie conscious, probably more trouble than it is worth, making me think that I may just have to give up the habit all together.

I have already tried switching to Diet Coke, which in general is the bane of my existence. However, I am just that desperate to lose weight that I am drinking it in place of regular. However, I cannot stomach as much of it as I do regular coke. Also I went way over my calorie limit tonight as well. Well, there was free sushi available, so I just could not help myself. Oh well. I will try again tomorrow. That is all i can do, right?

And so it begins again

Finding myself once again in the throes of school, and having completed one degree in May of this year (2010), and working on another to try to finsh in December, the stress has been more than I could bear. Stress eating has abounded, and I am preverbially at exactly the same weight i was at when I started trying to lose over two years ago. 192. Evil. Weight. But I have decided to give it another go. I am going to use my-calorie-counter.com, and begin working out. I may track my prgress here as often as I can. I need to get a new battery for my scales (one of my first mistakes, not having scales at home). But wish me luck for I plan to get serious now. Serious. Now!

A losing game.

Sometimes I wonder what is wrong with me. I have seriously been on the losing end of the losing (weight) game probably since I was 8 years old. It is a hard thing to look around at all the other little children around you and realize that you are perpetually 20 to 30 pounds heavier than they are. that has not changed. Perhaps there was a slight reprieve in undergrad when I was close to a normal weight. but grad school has taken care of that my 30 pound gap still holds, I will be glad when it doesnt hold anymore. maybe someday I will be in the 140s. We will see. I am done with one masters now. Maybe when I finish the other one, hopefully in the fall, I will be able to achieve my goal. We will see.

Is it Easter already?

This year has felt a little like the description of one in Monty Python and the Holy Grail: "and winter gave spring a miss, and headed right on into summer" it is an exaggeration since it is still chilly outside, but come on, people its almost Easter! What happened to last year? What happened to this year come to that? My semester only has a month and a half left and I am freaking out. Dude.

Weight a second.

Ok I am not usually a punning kind of person. That is usually what I equate with like 50 year old men who don't really have a sense of humour but think that they do. If there are any 50 year old men that pun reading this blog, I sincerely apologize. (Would it help if I said, "Its not you its me?"). Definitely me no doubt. since I started this blog, I have gained and lost about 10-15 pounds at least three times in succession. Each time I get on the losing end of that, I get really excited, and think: this time I will do it. This time I will realize my goal. But no. not only have I not realized my goal, but I am back at my original weight back in the dark days of 06 and I really have no idea how it happened.

Today I am trying to get back on my horse. I have started the day with fruit (Blackberries to be exact) and now yogurt. The more I talk about food, the more I want it. I go to it for solace in times of stress and discomfort. I am not sure why.

P.S. I like to take up close gratuitous photos of foods. It makes me feel all artsy inside.

stop the Insanity!

I couldn't find the image that I wanted for this blog. i feel like life has been insane lately. with work and school and Jeremy and i both have had craziness in our lives. Needless to say, for me good eating habits have yet again fallen by the wayside. Unfortunately for me, it is very cyclical. I will start eating well, and even try to lose again. I wish I could find a pic of the stop the insanity lady from the late eighties and early nineties. You know the one that looked like sinead o conner only was a weightloss guru. I sometimes feel that way. Like I just want to scream stop the insanity. But i dont stop. Pizza comes my way or chocolate, or a frappucino and I just cant stop.

In with the new.

The new year is upon me, and i have decided to make a fresh start. Holiday eating was time-consuming and resulted in the all-encompassing extra ten pounds of holiday weight that I had so painstakingly lost earlier in the year. Blast. So i have begun a-fresh. The incessant baking was fun while it lasted however, it left me craving cake at the oddest times e.g. one oclock in the morning, when it is seriously too late to bake a cake anyway. Something good did happen though with all the holiday baked goods. I realized something that I had forgotten. Why I am an excellent baker. To be sure, I concocted many a culinary delight including (but not limited to): a duchess spice cake (for my love for christmas, which he tells me was very good), two batches of homemade fudge, 3 kinds of cookies, rice krispie treats (well lets face it, these arent hard to make), and angel biscuits. So I have some left over ingredients with which I plan to make a homemade cheese cake and some banana bread tonight and on new years eve, but other than that I plan to put a stall on my baking at least for a while. Maybe I will make a special treat for myself and my love on valentines. It is amazing though how much weight you lose, however, when you stop eating cookies. I have lost about 2 pounds so far when I started watching my intake again. Right after Christmas I went out and bought some fruits and vegetables and salad fixings and I have been doing my best to partake of them everyday since Christmas. My roommate also baked us some delicious baked potatoes the other night, I have to do that soon as eating the skins are good for my cholesterol and that is just what I did. I am going to do my best to forget what has gone before, and forge ahead with what lies in front and begin my weight loss exhibition once again. I am glad that I am trying before the new year however, to begin with good habits that way I will feel like they are not as foreign to me to continue in the coming year. I really want to reach my goal this year. With my cholesterol problems and my age on the rise, it is more important than ever now for more reasons than just vanity that I get into that smaller size. I am hoping then to use this blog more than I have in the past as a means of holding myself accountable and actually reaching my goal. I have it in my head. I am in the 180s again with the onslaught of Christmas. But i would like to be in he 140s or 150s at the very least. If I could reach the 120s that would be amazing and I could model, for reals. That would be my ultimate goal if I could but I know that once I get to the 150s I am a healthy weight for my height and body type. I can pull off the 60s but the 50s are best. So really 30 pounds in the coming year would be great! People do it all the time. Especially on the biggest loser! I can too! I have to!

Christmastime is here....

You know the rest. But what they dont tell you in that song is, temptation to eat is here. I know I was complaining, probably alot. But the truth is I had kept off maybe on the whole about 10 pounds for almost a year. actually a bit more than that from the time i was at my heaviest. However, with christmas upon us, and goodies available freakin every where, not so. I am almost back to where I was damn it. I dont know how my boyfriend does it. He usually loses weight this time of year. I tend to subconsciously hibernate for the winter. The older I get the more I hate the cold. I guess the more I eat to compensate for this and then in turn the less my coat actually fits me well enough to keep the cold out. I keep telling myself if I can just get this paper done that is finally due in two days I will start working out again and focus more energy on eating. And to I will have more time for my boyfriend and friends (especially those of you I havent really seen all semester). The failing the comps hasnt actually given me insentive to lose, it just makes me want more food to wallow in. Alas. My ass. Oh well no time like the present. maybe next time you hear from me I will have good news. Until then, keep up the fight, try not to let Christmas depress you too much, and dont take any wooden nickels...or in the words of the immortal Edward R. Murrow,"Good night, and good luck."

Yes, Jillian.

I have picked up my Jillian Michaels book again and have started reading. I really want to make progress and she seems like perhaps the lady that can help me do it. I have done two days of her work out dvd called 30 day shred. She and Bob Harper (whom I also greatly admire) are both trainers on the show The Biggest Loser.




Well I was doing alright with this, 3 days in a row for her DVD but then yesterday I was stressing out over a paper that was due, and my muscles felt so sore that I watched Hamlet (that is what the paper is on) instead. So on Thursday I took a break from the DVD. But Friday I went right back to it. She is right that some of the moves in the workout get easier the more you do them, however, I still find myself doing the pushups on my knees and not my toes and my knees feel awful when doing certain exercises. But if I dont pass out after, then I do feel strong when I do the exercises.

I have been trying to read more of the book which is hard with school things to do, and with the first few chapters being focused on change from the inside out, they tend to be ones that you can only take a little at a time anyway, if you really are trying to absorb what she is saying.

I would recommend Jillian to anyone, she is tough, but she has helped alot of people lose a lot of weight. Maybe she will help me.

The latest on the Weightloss front

That title makes me feel important. as if I am a journalist from behind enemy lines talking about a war whose title ends in "storm" or "shield." but alas I have no such aspirations. I merely would like to put a stop to the extra poundage advancing across my ass. Things have been stressful for the past week or so. I have been studying for comps and taking them, and my baby hasn't been feeling too good health-wise, and money has been a little scarce. Actually the last one kind of works in my favor, as it forces me to eat at home and make conscious decisions about what I put into my body. Therefore, with the initial stressfulness my weight was starting to creep up, but with the onset of more stress, it has gone down again. Not the healthiest way to lose weight but then I dont think that the 4 pounds I lost the wrong way is going to make me need sally struthers or a sponsor. (Sorry, that was a horrible joke that half of you may not get because you are too young to remember). Anyway, as I was saying, so I have lost some. Oh and I have been trying to buy better things to eat at home, as I got my report back from the Dr. recently and I had only lowered my LDL cholesterol by a few points. He said to keep trying and to follow the diet handout that they had given me and exercise would help lower it too.
He also added as an after thought, "Oh and losing weight would help as well." Ha! You and me both want it then buddy.
I feel as though I am making progress. I am more conscious of what I am putting in my body. And I try to find healthier ways to prepare things, with my fat free milk and cheese and heart healthy spread and whole grains. I am trying. I still need a hormel shelf stable turkey dinner with gravy sometimes (so good!) but I am trying. I even bought a two liter of diet coke, that I actually drank. I need to watch my intake of baked goods and packaged foods, but I think I am making baby steps. With all the food allergies out there now I have been trying to eat more organic foods which makes be feel better. I think that my mom was surprised last night. As we were collaborating on Thanksgiving dinner on the phone, i was telling her that I could bring organic mashed potatoes and organic green beans. I also asked if beacause I want to make pumpkin pie this year if she cared if I substituted whole wheat flour and heart-healthy spread for regular flour and crisco. I think that she was surprised to say the least. But she had no problems with it. So I will do my best to find a good pumpkin pie recipe, and bon-apetit!

Breaking the string of Yo-yo dieting...or why the hell am i this fat?

Ok, so the weight loss was short-lived. I knew it would and could be but I hoped it wasnt. The simple fact is that I like to eat. I eat when I am happy I eat when I am sad, I eat when I am pissed off and i eat when I am sick. And frankly I have been sick for over a month now. I have had some kind of nagging throat pain and nasal post-drip shit for weeks and weeks. It is the kind of illness that doesnt make you feel bad enough to die, just to pray for death. So here I am on my second round of antibiotics a z-pak to be sure. I was taking some other cycline that was not doing anything, but now I am feeling a little better, I went to the gym yesterday for the first time in weeks yesterday. To offset my pity party Mcdonlds that I had because my paper for class is late and I have lost my train of thought and have no idea where the freak I am. If you are a praying person please pray for me and my paper. I only have tonight to finish it, so I best go. But if I have good news regarding this I will write. I am hoping to go to the gym again on Friday. But I must write seven pages tonight. So until later. adieu.

How did that happen?

It seems that just 3 days ago I was whiny and wondering if I would ever lose weight again, and now I have. I whined to my roommate and she suggested that we go to the gym. And so we did! we worked out hard and lifted. And as luck or providence would have it yesterday, I locked my keys in my car and instead of getting a ride to my boyfriend's for the 3 miles to get a spare, I walked it! yay me. (I did get a ride back however 6 miles was too ambitious for even me yesterday.) I was 3 pounds lighter this morning. it made me happy.

If I can just keep the momentum going maybe I can keep my idea of losing another 10 or 12 pounds by christmas, and maintaining it. Then I will think about more after the first of the year. I hope I can.

I have been on my poverty diet also, which means eating alot at home instead of eating out, and i think that is helping too!

You know, having high cholesterol really does the trick.

You know nothing makes you actively change your lifestyle and try to eat better and in turn lose weight like the threat of heart disease. I have lost about 5 pounds so far and I am hoping to do more. There are inches that I have on my waist that I need to lose in order to be in better shape physically (according to this little sheet they gave me at the doctor's office. I went to the Doctor recently for a physical because I had been feeling so crappy physically lately, and I found that my LDL cholesterol was high on top of everything else. It wouldnt surprise me at all if this was majorly attributing to my breathing problems and panic attacks. I do well with eating more healthily, until I have withdrawal and start eating something that is bad for me. But on the whole I have been eating as many whole grains and fruits as I can get my hands on, cutting out as much sugar as possible, and soft drinks, and fast food and eating more veggies. I should have brought some fruit today, but in turn I had to get something out of the vending machine (very bad for you)I had to get some shit called 'sweet and salty mix' because I was absolutely starving. I will not be caught like this again I assure you. The same thing happened yesterday and I was forced to get nutter bars and potato chips. Then it like a gateway drug influenced me to get a cookie from starbucks with a tall frapuccino and a nachos supreme from TB (none of which stayed with me for very long by the way). That kind of junk makes you feel awful and it doesnt give you energy. Especially if like me you have not been used to having it for several days. But I tried to make amends for it last night as I have at lunch today with a salad and fruit and whole wheat bread. I have even had egg whites with fat free cheddar on them today. Yay for me. so I will press on and keep you posted. I am hoping to get my cholesterol checked again relatively soon to see if i am making progress. So until next time, stay the course, don't take any wooden nickels, and remember me to the little woman.