To eat or not to eat, that is the question.

Whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the outrageous fortune of weighing 180 pounds for 6 years, or to suffer the withdrawl from not emotionally eating....hmmm. what would shakespeare do?

I doubt he had a weight problem at all. There were no Starbucks, Wendy's, Taco Bell, or McDonalds on every street corner in Renaissance Stratford upon Avon. They were too busy "rebirthing" interesting things. Oh I would imagine they had tasty things to eat. But none so fattening I am sure as the Nachos Supreme, Chicken Mcnuggets, and Grande Caramel Frappucino with whipped cream.

I am still trying, but it is painfully slower going than it was before. I havent been walking in about a week. I feel as though this is becoming my confessional rather than my weight loss journal. Forgive me father, its been a week and a half since my last walk.

oh well. In a kind of generalized way I have been trying to keep track of calories but I have only been able to do this in a very general and really kind of succeeding in a kind of damage control and not really losing at all. I should plan better and not eat out so much. maybe I will walk today, but all this stress at home with trying to plan to move and organizing and cleaning and packing and staying at my mom's has not helped. I have no real motivation except when things are tight and I need new clothes and I get frustrated with things not fitting. And then I may have to end up taking a comprehensive exam this fall to finish my degree instead my thesis whick I have agonized over emotionally for years. This is lots of change for a Jenny that likes things warm and cozy. Argh.

fried blackberry pie and full circle organic fat free milk

Can there be any felicity superior to that? surely losing the weight I want, would be. I just keep on with it though. I dont know whats wrong with me. I am now at the weight I was before starting my vacation 182. I hate myself sometimes. I worry that this is going to keep on and on and on, in spite of my Jillian Michaels book I bought and all the fresh veggies in my fridge. AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I am going to watch a Jane Austen movie and go to bed. In the words of Scarlett: "I will think about that tomorrow."

"After all....After all, tomorrow is another day."

Time for an update

sometimes I feel like I have so far to go that what is the point of an update anyway. But I did have some interesting progress on my vacation. I walked over 41 miles to be exact. That was from Wednesday to Wednesday. I had spent the first two days doing some work at my mom's house for which I was grossly over-paid. lets face it, it was probably charity on her part. when I wanted to do something good for someone else and not expect any remuneration. Oh well. The money came in handy in a pinch anyways. Thanks mama.

ok so those first days although I worked and sweated, it was to no avail as we ate so much why I was there. Taco Bell the first day and Sonic and cracker Barrel the next. Come on...cracker barrel, you know who can resist it? And you know that I am not going to get one of those shady kind of salads. You know the ones that are only pretending. With tons of iceberg lettuce and some tomatoes and carrot shreds and a few rounds of cucumber. When I go to Cracker Barrel, or "the crack house" as my friend used to call it when working there years ago, I am going to get chicken and dumplins' or mashed potatoes and gravy, or vegetables that are cooked in so much butter that they lose all sense of proportion and healthiness.

7/18/09
several days have passed since this proposed update. I have lost and gained back 3 pounds. Maybe I will go upstairs at work and weigh on the scales to see exactly how much I have gained and lost. but I hope that my hope is not over. Since returning to work it has not been as easy to exercise my brains out like I was on vacation. I only did 2.5 miles yesterday. And today I might not get to any walking if I go to this concert that I am supposed to have free tickets to. Oh well. I did buy fresh vegetables and fruit at a local market (called Easy Way for those of you locals that know it) yesterday in hopes of renewing my resolve in eating better, and I bought the Jillian Michaels book Winning by Losing in hopes that I might lose big like all the the people on the biggest loser. I mean if they can do it, wouldnt it follow that I could too? At 179 though, I have my doubts.

walking off with the pounds

for the past 3 days, I have walked 5 miles a day.

progress

well I just walked 5 miles. I hope that helps. Also I will try my damnedest to stay in my calorie limit today.

Today the first day of the rest of your life.

I am home on vacation. I want to make the most of it, I want to lose weight. my goal is 125 it would be nice to be at that goal by next year. I would settle for 140 or 150, but my ultimate goal is 125. just to see what it feels like. One problem. I have and eating fixation. I eat when I am happy, I eat when I am sad. I eat when I am scared, I eat when I cant breathe good, I eat when I am breathing fine. I eat for many reasons, exept very rarely for the most obvious reason that I should...that I am hungry. I have gained and lost the same 5-10 pounds for the past year and I am sick of it. I think I need a digital camera so I can track my progress or lack there of. when I get to where I want to be then I can wear what I want to wear and I it will help me to be motivated to be who I want to be. I am going to go for a walk this afternoon. in the heat. I want to sweat, and I want to suffer this weight to get off my body. when I take jeremy to work, that is what I am going to do. I am going to walk a long ass way. Also when I get home from that I may even confront my chain smoking neighbor to stop chain smoking and using so many allergy prducing plug ins in the apt building. she is making me crazy and I will seriously have to consider moving.